Thursday, February 12, 2009

The 10 Commandments of Player Killing.

The 10 Commandments are founded from years of joyfully killing online players, causing untold
grief anger and quitting. I’m going to place this in the context of your guild master speaking to you
all about what to do to any newbie, noob or idiot carebear that decides to get in your way.

"And your guild master spoke all these words, saying: 'I am the LORD of our Guild

'You shall have no other guilds but ours.'
No matter what, stay true to your guild. You choose your PK guild over your mother when she plays.
Yes you may join other guilds, some may play good and be care-bears, some “role-play”, but never can those members ever… and I mean EVER know of your alternative character and his relation to the player killer guild. What you do when playing a pk against other characters has no bearing on anything else in the game. What this means is that when logged on as your pk, you will kill on sight your best friend in real life in character in seconds if ordered to. Hell if he crosses your path you do it for fun! You will and you can! You're a player killer, thats what you do. That's what you're meant to do. If you don't your not l33t and true.
One of the best things a player killer can do is join other guilds to gather intel to help his pk mates roll the noobs. When playing a “pk” character you act as is if you've never known or played with the others, when playing your alternative good character you act scared like you can’t PVP PVG worth a crap. You can fight back against the pks but the best thing to do is just play dead, roll over and let them have the loot. After all it’s “all your loot” in the end isn’t it!

'You shall not make for yourself a character – of any template of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth that shall ownz and give it to nooblets.'

OK, easy to understand if you're a player killer. You can’t kill that which is stronger then you. You and your mates have spent hours and days perfecting that all powerful Meat Shield, Thief and Wizard template
combo that no other group can withstand. You'd better not be dishing those templates off to your pals in care-bear land. Or giving tips and templates to your friends and stuff. You have no friends. Kill them all. Hell it’s good practice to have your alter-ego characters looking weaker and not use your PK templates, people always said you couldn't build a character if your life depended in it, to bad you own all their stuff from killing them over and over! Breaking this commandment is a big NO NO. It is punishable by hacking into the offenders account and hitting “DEL” multiple times on the characters after having transferred the gold and items to the guild banker.

'You shall not take the name of the Player Killer in vain.'

Trolling around on the boards you post big stuff about your player killer exploits and your l33t PVG PVP game skills. To bad you suck. You’ve never PVG’s let alone PVP’ed on your own.
You can’t win a duel if your life depended on it against lower level guild mates yet you talk mad smack. You’ve given yourself a bad name, let alone your guild. Heck you shouldn’t even state you’re a player killer. Nope, what it is and always will be is this. Your name is spoken it is respected and pheared. Carebears /tell each other your on the prowl and they head back to town. Hordes of heroes and noob try to hunt you down and get laid to waste. Your guild is hated by all on the server, and other players who think they can PK and want to PK beg to join the guild or just be your buddy. Then and only then do you claim PK status. Even then you don’t brag, you DON’T NEED TO BRAG, the server players do it for you. That’s l335. That’s truth. 

FOUR: 'Remember the Real World, to keep it separate.'
Player killers live to kill others online. Joy and happiness is the sorrow and pain of others.
We know how many people value that which they have online more then they should or do in real life. To bad real life 4 the win huh. Sorry wanna be. PK = CEO, PK = Net admin. Most player killers have real lives and play because it’s a great outlet. We do not live for the game. We only live to kill others when in the game, that is a major distinction. Best understand that you Fat Otaku on mommy’s wanna be mainframe hooked to 56k of bandwidth l33tness. PK’s drink
beer and have friends, PK’s know that this weekend their girlfriend is also coming over and that they have a party to attend or a football practice to go to. A healthy real life means total and utter control of your digital alter-ego psychopath. Those who play to get away from life only vaule their levels and items, and do so way to much to truly achieve greatness. Only when you care 
not about dying can you truly lay waste to entire servers of losers, since they take it WAY WORSE then a PK ever will we always win in the end. And that is how it should be.

'Honor your Guildmaster and your members.'

Player killers are a certain breed. You know your one when you get more enjoyment having players send you hate /tells all night then winning a group “roll” on an item. So when a skilled pk takes you under his wing and tells you the inner most secrets to being l33t and the newest and best exploits you best listen. When your guild master lays out a plan of attack to ensure you and yours ownzors totally causing your fame to grow and grow, just damm well do it. It’s from years of killing others being total net jerks that this sacred knowledge comes from and is past down to you, it must be honored !

SIX: 'You shall murder.'
You and your guild shall kill everyone and any one without question. You shall kill and ress kill over and over and over gain. You will kill until they quit. That is what is best.

SEVEN: 'You shall not quit your guild for your wife or girlfriend.'

There comes a time when after playing for hours your spouse or your girlfriend (who does not game,) wants your to drop it all to spend more quality time together.We all have to deal with this at some point and time. People who comment that there is no need to play an online games and that gaming is a waste of time. For them maybe. I'll let you know that the percentage of people that are of the opposite sex is around 50% world wide.Plenty of fish in the sea, and a few that even game! Fewer that pk, but lots that game. Do not quit gaming because others want you too, no way bro... that's lame. There are many people who just don't game and they do not understand why you want to. 
Screw em, get another friend or girlfriend. After all we are player killers. We have real lives. We don't game 24/7 so there is no need to be saved from an addiction to online gaming or never going out or getting laid. 

'You shalt steal.'

You shall manipulate, encourage and even lie in order to get players to go to certain areas knowing full well they will die. You shall steal openly and use any tools at your disposal to get other players items. If you can get others to give you their houses, bank items and more before killing them after that is even better.

'You shall not bear false witness against your guild mates.'

Even at the best of times, your going get in a dispute or end up killing someone in your own guild when you or they are in an alternative character. This is just a way of life in the gaming world. 
They feel that they should not been killed since they are in the guild. If not in guild character can kill them in order to survive. When it comes time to come clean, tell it like it was. Don't deny yourself the pleasure. To often members of player killer guilds will not tell the truth thinking that this is the best way to conceal or hide the fact another guild mate died. When disputing with guild members do not lie about what happened. You shall lie only when dealing
with all others on the sever. Being true to your pk character and your guild comes first before all things. The other members of your guild should know this. They should tell it like it was, in any guild dispute. Lastly you show they Suxxsored and should be banned from Guild greatness... so long wanker.

TEN: 'You shall covet other players stuff; you shall covet other players gold, you shall others your servants, your shall take their mounts, their items, anything that is another players.'

You kill for fun. What is also fun is taking the other noobie’s items. Nothing says I hate you more then taking something some loser spent a more then a real life month trying to get then /telling them that they’ve gone and lost it to a player killer. Take their stuff as your alter-character then delete him.
Raid their account passwords and sack the whole account dry. Do not feel bad, your only showing them their own stupidity and it will help them in their daily dealings in real life. Because we know 99.9 of all retards in game are retards out of game too.